obtrude

i’m still posting. no misery, but still i try to keep up the posts. i guess the world has come to this. good news is not news. i’m putting this post out because i have no news to announce. nothing bad has happened, and i have no need to vent. why is it that it’s easier to post about things that have gone wrong or that i’m worried about than it is to just post that today was a sunny happy day?

well, it was. we had a nice morning, went to a doctor appt for my wife to meet her actual medical doctor for the first time since switching to him almost 8 months ago. she was going to talk to him about gastric bypass, but decided against it, as she thinks more on it, she wants to do it less. either way, i love her however she looks or weighs. me? i’m still stuck at that 285 mark. it’s because i’m not TRYING to lose anymore, just eating whatever. i’m going to start trying again in a couple days, then it will be back to the struggle (and probably more recipe posts!).

relationship? doing well, thank you. i’m not sure if my wife is 100% as far as her feelings, but she’s definately coming back to a married state of mind. i know it’s hard, she decided to take freedom by the horns and try to live it while she was sliding down the manic-depressive road at the same time. i really wonder what life would be like right now if i hadn’t stepped up and done something. we would definately have been seperated. probably on the way to divorce. i would have the kids for now, since she wasn’t and still probably wouldn’t be working full time. i hate to think of what if’s. i don’t want to think of life apart if i can avoid it. it was miserable living that life and thinking of where things will go. i’m just happy living in the now, hoping for the future, but respectful of what could be, and trying to keep a balance between obtrusive and uncaring. i have seen that i can be too loving, and that is a turn off for her, which i don’t understand fully, but respect. i can also be not loving enough, which is hard for me to understand as well, since i always feel love for her, but i’m not always able to show it….and when i do, it’s too much… catch-22.

enough rambling….

-e