salubrious.

health is a confusing topic to me nowadays. i have thought that having a healthy mind would be something that can be brought upon easily, i’m realizing that it’s harder than i thought. i got my wife to get herself into a therapy session, and so far, it’s not done much more than give her more reason to want to leave, and i guess that’s still a large looming possibility. she’s taking “time to herself” at a “friend”s house, which is hard on me emotionally, since i have no idea of what is going on, and in her state of mind the last few weeks, anything can happen. so i have to sit here, and be unhealthful to my mind while she does this. i fear the worst, i have to wonder when she’s going to call, and when she does, what’s going on with her? she says she’ll be back tomorrow, but what then? it’s just this hellish period in both our lives with all going on, and i’m tortured by the wait and wonder. hopefully next week will be more fruitful for her therapy, but even that doesn’t mean she’s going to be happy living with her family, and to me, that’s so sad i can’t stand it.

i’m down to 291 lbs, almost 25 lost, so, while i’m emotionally dead and drained, my body’s getting the much needed weight loss…. just not in a truly productive manner. but still, the good of it is that the weight is coming off and that will be good in the long run. i hope i can keep it off no matter what the outcome of our emotional roller-coaster. i have already lost most of my almost-insatiable breadlust that I’ve had all my life, and that’s a great side effect too, but damned if i don’t crave a Super Steak burrito from Adalberto’s. It’s probably not as bad as a Big Mac, but still, it’s most likely horrible to my health (yet so damn delicious!!)

-e