Weight

Ok. I’m pretty overweight. I know it. I love food. The past two weeks, I’ve made a honest, concentrated effort to just cut out a lot of the carb shit, but not going full Atkins or anything. I did my best, and so far, i have gone from my highest ever weight, 315lbs down to 295 just by not snacking, and overeating, and cutting most bread. For my reward tonight, I did eat 2 pieces of pizza, and stopped there. I usually pack 6 pieces away in a night, sometimes more. I think i’m doing pretty damn good. I hope i can keep this up, it would be nice to get down to 260 over the summer, and maybe back down to my wedding weight of 230. If i can do that, I know i’ll be happy. My wife has also lost 20 lbs, though she’s trying much harder, and is looking at her wedding weight. I think it’s going to be great for both of us if we can achieve that by summer’s end, and keep going. We will be much heathier, happier, and the sex will be that much better!!

-e

Time with the kids

Wow. Post. Mode. On.

Yeah, it’s been a tough day. My mind is on my wife and relationship, but the kids just keep going. Fucking little pink Energizer Bunnies they are. We’ve been going like mad all day. They get into shit, fight, make messes and demand everything! ARRRRGH. It’s tough being parents to 3 little boys!! Our oldest is starting to help keep the other two under control when needed, but he still has his moments. Today was his T-Ball practice, and after he was done we were to bring him to grandma’s house. Well, grandma told him he couldn’t stay (they’re getting packed to move), and he was crushed. That pretty much killed his will to practice T-ball, he even told everyone there he was quitting and hated t-ball.

We left halfway through practice, with him being a monster and not doing anything. Luckily the team mom knows where we live, and she dropped off his cap and jersey that we were supposed to pick up tonight (thanks Jill!). He saw those, and apologized and said he wouldn’t pull this again. We’ll see. I like him to have some sort of sport, and he enjoys t-ball when his parents are watching and cheering him on.

 The other two….well, they’re just too young to care at the moment, being 4 and 2. Our 4 year old wants to play, but doesn’t, and luckily we didn’t sign him when he asked, thinking he wouldn’t enjoy it. He does like to go out and practice a bit, and when he’s into it, he can wing a ball a good distance. Next year, maybe he’ll have enough focus to do a sport.

Sports are fun, but costly. Think about this before enrolling your reluctant kid!! If they are interested, do everything you can to encourage it, it could be rewarding and stimulating to them later on. I’m sorry I didn’t ask when I was younger, I probably would have been healthier as an adult if I had a sport.

-e

State of mind

So, we have started working out our problems. I think I understand the issues now. I am part of it, and for that I know that there’s changes I need to make. She’s realized some of my problems that I have, and we are going to work it out. I hope “on the rocks” changes to “on the road to happiness and old age”. I agreed she needs her 2 days of freedom, and we’ll see tomorrow if life can get back on the right path. I am helplessly torn. I told her if she really needs the space, we can do it, I really would like to stay together, and we will always have to work out our problems. Communication from me is a big part. I like to keep everything inside, and not let people know I’m stressed about everything, and that’s where I go wrong. Here’s to a continued life together. I love you Barbie.

-e

SingStar Amped

Yeah the reason we broke out the PS2. Kinda my ‘do something good’ thing for my wife. She really has been obsessing over rhythm games since we got Guitar Hero III for the WII. It’s pretty neat, though in one night she played through the 30 songs in easy mode. We’re probably getting the 90’s and Rock discs next. I haven’t really played it much yet, but what I saw, it’s beyond what I can do with my monotone voice. My wife on the other hand is a great singer, something she probably would have pursued had we not had 3 boys and been married since 21…. If you like karaoke, this is a pretty fun game, and the songs in the Amped version are pretty varied from old to new, mostly Alt rock with some old school tunes thrown in. Blue Oyster Cult’s Don’t Fear the Reaper is a lot harder than i thought it would be, and there’s some of my favorite songs on there, such as Alice in Chain’s “Would?” and Pearl Jam’s “Alive”. I would have liked more of those, but some of the others are friggin cool too, like The Killers “When youwere Young”, which is on Guitar Hero III, Fall Out Boy’s “This Isn’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race”, and Audioslave’s “Cochise”. I really dig the older stuff too like Quiet Riot’s “Cum on Feel the Noize”, Motorhead’s “Ace of Spades” (which i came across from Tony Hawk Pro Skater), ZZ Top’s “Gimmie All Your Lovin’” and others… I’ll let you know if i actually can get some balls and since a few.

-e

God of War

Yeah. Old game. I hooked up the PS2 so my wife could play SingStar Amped, which she wanted so bad.  Well, I decided to pick up a new controller and God of War for it. While she’s on her ‘break’ I’ve been playing the hell out of this game. Damn it’s good. I have read reviews and thought of getting it before, but never really had the want to break out the PS2 until i got the room set up. This is what games should be. It’s not the toughest, but it is challenging and great to look at. I’ve had a blast getting to where I am now…. the frustrating as hell Hades challenge boss. I’ve put in about 2 hours so far trying to beat the fucker. I know how, but i seem to run out of health about 3 hits too soon!! More play tomorrow.

-e

BBQ Dinner

*I AM NOT A CHEF. I AM A DAD WHO WORKS FULL-TIME AND COOKS WHENEVER, USUALLY BOXED CRAP*

 Needed that disclaimer, here’s the food I made tonight.

Tri-tip and veggies 

2lb tri-tip

1/2 bottle Lawry’s Tequila Lime marinade

I just set the beef in a freezer bag with the marinade and let it go for about 8 hours (and bringing to room temp eventually.)

Season the meat (salt, pepper, garlic powder, pinch of chipotle pepper in a shaker works for me). Cook fat side up for about 30 min, middle of bbq, with either side burning running low, but the middle one off (after warmup). Then I turn it over and season again, cooking for 1 hour. When done, let sit AT LEAST 15 min before serving.

Also made BBQ veggies:

After cooking the tri-tip, I put that aside and cooked up some veggies that I had prepared while the beef was cooking:

3 small zucchini (sliced on a slight bias to give a larger oval shape)

1 Yellow Onion (sliced in half vertical, and quartered)

1 Pk pre-washed mushrooms (about 25)

1 pk Stuffer Mushrooms

1 Bell Pepper

I drizzled all the veggies, except the stuffers, with EVOO, and placed on the foil-lined grill. For the Stuffers, I pulled out the stems, put in a bit of butter, finely chopped garlic, and some cheddar cheese for an experiment.

Tri-tip turned out great as expected. The regular mushrooms and zucchini turned out perfect, i let them brown a tiny bit. The onion….well…that sucked…it fell apart, probably should have cut into rings. Still tasted good.

My stuffed mushrooms? they turned out too watery, as the liquid in the actual mushrooms cooked out. Needed to be in a real broiler at high heat to work correctly.

-e

Easter. Happy. Yay.

Happy Spring uhhh… week-longholiday starting on sunday. In March even. 

 Well, totally ignoring my self-loathing and totally embarassing last post, today is slightly better. I don’t feel totally hopeless regarding our relationship, but I’m a man of hope. You might ask…is he just a total fucking pussy? Those of you who have truly loved someone know it’s not pussing out, but more like the thought of getting something major amputated. You just don’t want to have it happen, it’s never in your life plan.

Yes, I would be man enough to move along, but there’s no real reason for what’s happening, and the few things that have been talked about don’t really amount to throwing your life away for.

Anyway, the kids and I are making BBQ dinner while my wife is working a short midday shift at work. Good stuff. We’re forgoing the usual Easter stuff (except the bunny….3 boys all under 7, can’t ruin that “reality” for them yet). We did the baskets, I got up at 4am and hid the eggs on our lawn. But do we really need another ham? Not yet. The kids eat so damn much sliced ham for lunch each day!!

Tomorrow: Painting the house. What fun. Took a whole. week. off.

-e

Love.Marriage.

I’ve now experienced what it’s like to be “on the rocks”. It sucks. I’m hoping we work through this. I’ve always been planning my life, my future as “us”, never “me” or “me and someone other than my one true love”.

She is having issues with something about me that’s not quite explainable. I guess I don’t have a way to express my feelings. I’m a cold person emotionally. I know inside that I deeply love and care, but when it comes to talking. emoting. epxressing. I might as well be a deaf-mute.

I think a big part of our problem is that we have been “he and she” for over 12 years, 17 years if you count the dating years. And that’s half our lives. We are both 32 (33 soon for me), been dating since 16, married since 21. She has told me she wants to find out what it’s like to be independant and care for herself. I’ve never even given any thought to that. I’d assumed (rightfully) that I would take care of all that. In sick and in health. Death do us part. Even after that last thing, she would be taken care of thanks to my excellent life insurance, accidental death insurance and the money i have in my retirement, not to mention social security. I’ve worked hard for these last 17 years to make sure when we get old, we and our 3 boys would be set if something happened, and for when we retire if not.

Naive. that’s me. I never put thought into what would be needed if we seperated. I’ve never invested any thought or time into when I would have time or ability for another whole marriage. It’s all stupid to talk about until it happens, but what then? If she’s not the one for me, did I miss “the one” already? Who is?

Stop.

It’s.not.over.

 I guess I need to put on my best thinking cap and try to work it out. it’s truly worth fighting for, though, since i’m not actually fighting someone, what’s the fight?

Psychological. Sucks on that one. I’m not good at that part. The relationship on the psychological level. I know where it is in my mind, but how to express it? Yeah I mentioned it earlier, but that’s how fucked up I am.

 Next time i write, I’ll have my answer.

-e